[…] – fighting to maintain a sense of normalcy in a turbulent time. Once the initial impact of divorce is over, there are many questions to be answered about how to handle everyday life in a society […]
[…] – fighting to maintain a sense of normalcy in a turbulent time. Once the initial impact of divorce is over, there are many questions to be answered about how to handle everyday life in a society […]
[…] Read the entire article here: http://www.themotherco.com/2011/08/talking-about-divorce/ […]
This is a very well written article I am going to save for my clients. I specifically work with people who want to divorce in a respectful cooperative manner. I sometimes have clients who have not told the children, thinking they don’t know. Everything I have learned is that they do know. They know things are not right and having this discussion with them will help them know their intuition is not wrong.
I commend you on this article and look forward to more.
Thank you for these tips and suggestions! Definitely not the easiest part of going through a divorce. I had help from a great book, thought. The Intelligent Divorce by Mark Banschick was a wonderful resource full of tips and ideas on how to talk with your kids about all the changes that are going on. It was great just to have someone helping me see that I was doing something right! http://theintelligentdivorce.com
I think this is a great article. The one thing I’d go a little easier on is the necessity of both parents having ‘The Talk’ with their youngster. I agree that that’s the ideal; however, the one exception is if it comes into conflict with one of the other stated goals above – for example, keeping one’s emotions in check. My dad is a wonderful, caring but incredibly emotional individual who would have hijacked the divorce revelation and/or made it harder and more awkward for everyone involved. In hindsight, I think my more level-headed mother having the initial chat with us, and being able to talk to him shortly thereafter, just made sense.
Loved this! It was great to see you guys at BlogHer. Definitely passing these tips along to my lawyer (who is also fabulous…check out Weinberger Law Group. Bari is the best in NJ and was so helpful during those early, rocky few weeks.
Kristin
Thank you for this article. Your perspective on the children’s emotions and reactions was very informative.
I would be interested in your thoughts on situations where coparenting, sharing the news of divorce together, and so forth, are not options.
Issues such as alcoholism, abandonment, physical abuse, incarceration, sexually deviant behavior, and untreated mental illness are often factors in divorce. I read a lot about the “ideal” divorce, where both parents are healthy, productive members of society who are capable of safely caring for children. However, that is frequently not the case. Many parents have zero support from their ex, or legitimately need to protect the children from an abusive or untreated addict parent.
Thanks again for the article!