sarah7 years ago

i understand this all too well. i live with my dad, step mum and step sibilings. although there’s 5 of us in one house i dont talk with my step siblings or step mum at all and my dad and i hardly converse with eachother.
a week ago i organised a debit card because im 16 and its legal for me to do so. i didnt know the bank would send the card without notifying me first. a few days after my dad saw a letter for me from the bank and it had the card inside. he flipped and yelled at me, told me to stop undermining him and im grounded till the school term is over. he also told me to get out of his face, next he got scissors and the card up infront of me. i cried all night, because of him yelling really scarily since i was a child i developed depression and anxiety. tonight i got another letter from a im interested in, my dad had opened it without my knowledge. sick of him doing this, i confronted him and asked why and told him its illegal. his excuse was i undermined him so he doesnt trust me and hes my guardian. after i bit my tongue like i always but it only makes me worse. i dont know what to do anymore.

Depressed and Tired7 years ago

My parents should take 7 years of parenting classes. I’m so sick of my life!
They have unrealistic expectations. First, they expect me to have straight A’s and to study for like, 3 hours a day just like my cousin. They rant about how my aunt and uncle don’t know English, don’t have a proper education, and don’t have a computer, but she still gets straight A’s. Then they start ranting about how I have a computer, parents that know English, and parents that teach their kids and I don’t have straight A’s. FIRST OFF, I’m not my cousin! Like smh she’s older than me too. And my parents need to realize that every child isn’t smart. They’re like “You’re asian, you have to be smart”. I’m sick of that shit. They also want me to act “professional”. They have so many specific and ridiculous expectations. I’m just going to rant now. They want me to have short hair, always being simple, clean and neat, and always putting my hair up in a half-ponytail! And they also want me to be the one that doesn’t talk to their friends in class, is respected by everyone, is nice, always put self before others, very sweet, and always get awards and prizes in school. They also want me to become a doctor! They even have these expectation of what types of friends I should have! They want me to be friends with smart, serious people. They also expect me to be happy all the time wtf. My friends are lazy, cuss now and then, and are REALLY fun! I’m not that type of person. I’m a lazy, fun, generous, and sarcastic person that cusses now and then. I want to be a K-Pop Star when I grow up, but my parents hate EVERYTHING Korean! Why can’t I be what I want to be? Like, I don’t grow up so you can raise me to your expectations. You didn’t give birth to me for that. I believe parents should raise their children up to the child’s expectations aka raise their child to be the person the child wants to be.
My parents don’t yell at me that much. They just are really weird and rude. Like, one time my parents got mad af because I have a B in Math and Science. And one time, I misunderstood my dad for what he said and he yelled at me, accusing me of lying to him! Then he threatened me and said that he would beat me until my butt turned red, and if I don’t do something once he says it, he’ll hit me to death. Then the night they acted all nice. I almost cried. They don’t want me to cry! WHAT THE HECK I felt like screaming “HITTING WON’T AFFECT ME AT ALL, I’M NOT SCARED” that’s true, but I don’t know if my body will survive.. my dad is going to hit me and be all like “NOW ARE YOU SCARED, HUH?!” and if I talk back, he’s going to yell “WHY ARE YOU TALKING BACK TO ME?” But he asked me a question???
What should I do? I know, you all are going to say that I should talk to a counselor about that. But if the police/counselor/etc. tell my parents about their horrible parenting, my parents are just going to act nice and agree but when they get home they’re going to beat me with the fly swatter, even when I cry, because I ruin their reputation. My dad is the funny one at my church… and then he’s not going to be the funny one anymore. He’s scared of it.
My parents want us to be a beautiful, powerful and mighty family. But I don’t. I just want to have a family that’s always having fun.. What should I Do?

universe7 years ago

my mom loves me I know that I have ADHD I cant focus I take pills every morning but everyday ungreatful are you done with homework pig if I wanna tell her what I did at school or a taltent I have she would say idc about that your grades are low maybe that should be a taltent it true I talk back to my dad but not my mom she would kill me she yells idk what to do I cry she says idc about you crying one day I walked with my report card that in my opion was good 2a 3b 2u she yelled at me I was punished I’m just 11

Hansen7 years ago

Thinking back to my father and my childhood, I remember always being scared of him because he was always angry and yelling. Sometimes for no reason. At first I tried everything I could to please him, but gradually I started hating him. And then I stopped caring at all. As an adult we still live in the same city, but I have broken all bonds with him. Especially now when his parents are dead, the only place we will ever meet is if we happen to see each other on the street. Then I feel obligated to say hello, but if I notice him before he sees me, I go another way. He doesn’t know me, never has, and has never respected me as an individual and independent person. He should never had any children in the first place (and not my mother either, but for other reasons), as he was also violent and threatened me a lot of the time, and it was not empty threats. If I could turn back time, I would prefer it if they gave me away for adoption as a newborn baby to someone who knew how to raise children and care about them. Because today I am completely dead inside.

Nicolle7 years ago

My parents yell at my sister and I because we play on the ps4 too much and it’s going to ruin the system when in all reality as long as the system is in an open area you can have it on for as long as you want and it won’t ruin the system. They yell at us because we “don’t” Do anything around the house when we in fact do chores but we have a 5 yr old running about all the time and she has several toys and makes a mess after we just cleaned. My parents yell saying “we work all day we want to come home and relax so you guys have to watch her” my sister and I did not have a choice to watch her that was pushed onto us by our parents, they also complain that we don’t do a good enough job watching my niece when I am only 16 and my sister is 18 we have no experience in watching children nor do we want to. My parents complain because they “have no money” to get an actual babysitter for my niece when they bought a new TV, a new TV Stand and speakers for the tv. They want me to talk to them about stuff that’s going on with me but when I do they turn it into a life lesson but I really just wanted to talk about it not get told “get over it”. I am a very sensitive teenager and getting yelled at makes me cry so they think they didn’t cause it when the only time I’m crying is when they yell at me, my parents expect me to respect them when they have not given me a reason to. They drink beer everyday and buy 30 packs of bud light everytime they run out of it spending more money on something they do not need. I need more clothes because I am growing out of the ones I have, they took me out of school to move to a different state and never out me back into school. I have severe depression and I am not nor ever going to tell them that because my mother will throw herself under the bus saying “why am I such a bad person” or “why does everyone think we are bad people” when they have shown many times how selfish and noncaring they are. I can’t ever talk to them without starting a fight and I honestly cannot deal with the yelling anymore

S27 years ago

I’m now 20 years old.
I’ve lived my life being cursed and yelled at by my mom a lot.
And I can tell you, most of the time like 90% of the time is in public. So yes, I have been humiliated countless of times. By simple mistakes and even by things that weren’t even my fault in the first place. Just this morning, my mom was in the market and told me to fetch her. She was waiting in a crowded area where parking was prohibited, but she made me stop on the spot and later told me to park the vehicle here and get her other groceries from the mall. So of course, I declined. I said I can’t park here, then she yelled and cursed at me calling me stupid, idiotic and useless. Yes, I am all grown up and a lot of people saw that considering it was a crowded place.

I don’t have a lot of close friends except from my classmates at school. Personally, I liked it when I moved up to highschool and college since my mom wasn’t there and I could make friends without worrying about it. My mom is not that bad that she doesn’t want me to have friends, in fact she wants me to have friends. But maybe because of how I grew up that I don’t consider making new friends a fun thing to do.
I have a girlfriend, and unlike people at my age I trust my girlfriend more than I trust my family. Even when I found out about all her lies, I still chose her maybe because with her I feel like I don’t have to worry about getting yelled at.
I lose my temper easily, when I see animals particularly stray dogs that come inside my house. I normally ‘shu’ them away. And if they don’t go, I’d get my stick and try to hit them as hard as I could(if a can reach them that is which is quite impossible).
I don’t bully people, but I hate some types of people. Types that are noisy in class or in public. People that are over energetic and oozes with confidence. People who always tend to laugh out loud literally. I hate them so much that even though we just met, I feel like they already did something wrong to me.
I also don’t like talking and going out in public, particularly with my family. But I like it when I go out with my younger sibling whom I’m babysitting or with my girlfriend.
I don’t like hanging out my friends, unlike my older brother who invites his friends over to the house when there is a party or a town feast.
I’ve only invited one person to my house, which is my girlfriend.
I also hate being ordered to get something or go to a place where a party or a gathering is happening.
In short, I hate parties and any form of event with a lot of people and relatives.
I hate talking to my parents about how my life is going. I don’t like to talk with them about my problems. I would prefer taking it all by myself which is easier.
I don’t like anything loud.
So, am I emotionally unfit? Or am I just normal with a different attitude?

Nancy7 years ago

Seriously hates it when my mom raises her voice at me. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t have any respect for me. She’s the one who chose to have me. She acts as if I owe her something. I never asked to be born. Like the article said, I’M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS AND FEELINGS. I know my dad doesn’t love her but I’m not responsible for anything. I’m the one who should look to her for emotional support but instead she’s the one needing the support. Friends have told me that even though it isn’t fair, I should support her anyways because she’s my mother. And yes I agree to that, but how am I supposed to deal with her yelling and raising her voice at me for something I’ve never said and done. I can’t keep taking in all of her issues. I might start to become crazy myself. She is TOXIC. I also feel that it’s childish of her. As her daughter, I will grow up to never be like her. I thank her for setting the example of the kind of mother not to be.

Anonymous7 years ago

Well I’m dealing in a different situation. I’m the big sister and I don’t really yell sometimes I raise my voice but that’s it. But my younger sister told her teacher she got yelled at by me. Well this morning I raised my voice because she was refusing to put her jacket on and she hit our little sister who is five. Well that’s what the five year old told so given that I don’t know what happened I put the older one in timeout and asked her about it. She said nothing. Well now I’m in deep Doo because she told the teacher I yelled at her and now my mother is also mad at me even after I explained it and I’m not sure what to do and I feel like a bad caretaker.

Jessica Ann Doerfler7 years ago

When my mom yelled at me I wanted to call her the b word.

Anon8 years ago

I probably have it better off than some of the people here, but my mum has recently started to yell more and more often. This morning she screamed at my dad while I was getting ready for school, and though I wasn’t exactly sure what it was about I think it probably had something to do with the fact that my dad cycles to work some days and she thinks it’s pointless and a drag. She absolutely exploded and I started panicking and breathing really fast. I just froze as she finally went to drop off my sister at school (she was shouting at her as well).
Recently it has just got to the point where thinking about her at school ruins the rest of the day, it makes me unhappy / scared to go home. Above is just an example but often she rants or shouts at anyone in my family because we don’t help around the house and she ‘feels like a slave’. I’m not sure if she realises how down this makes me feel or whatever, but she probably doesn’t care. I have heard her call me ‘depressed’ to people before and I’m not sure if I actually am depressed anyway, but thinking about that makes me think about how at school or wherever that could become one of my ‘labels’ like depressed or grumpy or whatever the heck else people manage to come up with.
I’m sorry this is so long if you actually have got to this point, and I am surprised if you have because it hardly makes sense- I’m trying to explain everything at once on this random website on the Internet because I have nowhere else to turn pretty much. Or it feels like that at least.
My main point of is though is just to put forward how my mum always manages to turn something negative and she never really says “I forgive you” or “I love you” anymore. She used to do mum stuff but now she’s gone on some sort of strike or whatever and just can’t be bothered, she shouts and makes me do the dishes or the laundry or make dinner andd I’m scared to do it because I might do it wrong. I’ve tried everything: “It’s your duty because that’s what mums are for”, to which she will reply something like “I’m your mother not your slave” and then scream at me and send meto my room or something. And I’m not sure now if I actually am a lazy slob or not. I do try when she yells at me but after that I just forget, I even asked her to make me a list of chores to do because I DO want to help around the house and not get yelled at but she says it’s my responsibility to make a list of chores.
Some people have probably read this and thought that it is just another stupid lazy kid but now I’m not so certain. By calling me lazy my mum makes me angry and that makes me think she is wrong and I am NOT lazy… that probably doesn’t make sense
Anyways please help if you can. Or tell me that I do need to start helping around the house more and doing less of the stuff I enjoy. I might not even need help. I just feel a bit stuck right now so I typed this.
TO PARENTS OUT THERE: take advice from a 12 year old. DO NOT YELL or THREATEN or be angry at or scream at or take things out on your kids. In doing so it ruins every aspect of their lives.

Alex8 years ago

My mom yells all the time, and my dad yells, but not nearly as much. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve self harmed, and had serious thoughts of suicide, and i’m only 15 going onto 16! I know i need to get help but the problem is, is that i’m afraid what’s going to happen, and what my parents will say/do to me if I do anything like that.

??8 years ago

I know I can be a bit of a brat sometimes but if I ask my mom something or tell her something she sometimes screams at me really loud and it makes me really scared and when I try to tell her that I think there’s something wrong with her she screams even worse… I’m scared to tell her to read this what do I do? One time I knocked over a cup in the main room and she told me I couldn’t have friends over ever again

Stop Parent Madnes8 years ago

(PLEASE READ THIS THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE)To whoever reads this comment(for parents first then kids). When parents spank, you might think it helps. The truth is, IT DOES NOT HELP AT ALL SO STOP SPANKING YOU ARE JUST TEACHING YOUR CHILD WORSE THINGS AND HURTING THEIR HEALTH. MOST OF YOU PARENTS CARE ABOUT THEIR HEALTH, SO WHY THE HECK SPANK THEM??!!! Spanking also don’t just hurt them and teach them bad things, it also don’t freaking fix anything!!! All it does is make your child hate you more. Now for the kids part. If you are in a family with a yelling/spanking parent, give them one or two chances, maybe three(worse case). After a few times, your parent might like lock you out or like saying that they don’t want you in their family anymore, just give them one more chance or call the police. Now that is child abuse ILLEGAL. I’m writing this because my mom was yelling, crashing my brother’s stuff, and hitting/spanking him. Please don’t spank your child. Ill come back and comment another comment if it happens again that i want to share the story.

Daniel9 years ago

Great Article – sadly my mom does not understand English very well.

Anyways, helped me to understand the Situation better, even though I am still unsure what to do about it. Maybe see a professional.

Thanks!

Dan

Jennesa9 years ago

By the way this article is fantastic! The conversation examples have helped me in communicating not only with my son, but also with others! I am planning on ordering your book as soon as possible 🙂

CP9 years ago

This is a great article all parents should read as our lives now a days are so full of stress, and businesss sometimes we don’t realize how we say things or what we say.

Ujjwala9 years ago

lovely article

Kristen9 years ago

Thank you. I also have a few questions for anyone who wants to give me posotive feed back… i have a 3 year old son, when we are in restaurants or stores half the time hes great, walks w me, helps me even pays atrention to me n picks stuff out with me for his lunches and snacks, other times, he is just ridiculous! 🙁 its so extremely frustrating… he will grab my shirt n pull on it, pull my shirt with his teeth, he will blow raspberries at me while ‘accidentally’ spitting in my face, he will just act like a monkey so to say and no matter how calm i am and say his name, u need to focus, take a deep breath and calm yourself down, he will laugh at me even if i flick his mouth or hand whichever situation it may be he laughs at me, now i dont believe in spanking or hitting my child. It wont do anything but make them rebel (unless it comes to school/lying about homework or something) but were not there yet, again my son is 3. When were in a restaurant he will sometimes get up n dance or something, or push me, depends …i need helo n have nobody to help, i need a serious advice to make my child listen so him n i can be close again, thank you :/

Steven9 years ago

Sounds like a copout Shawn. I am 26 and I had ADD and ADHD at some point. You know it must be because my father had your attitude and didn’t have the gall to teach his son love. This world is so treacherous and you sound like you don’t love your child. You couldn’t coerce him so you use force. Typical barbarian as my father was in my younger years. Strep throat? Yell at your son and tell him he’s a lying sh** and to swallow that burger even if he’s choking. That’s horrible…it has lead to my dysfunctions into adulthood.

Such rage in me. Troubled? Yes. Did my father abuse me? Maybe to a degree. He has done many good things, but he raised a troubled man who struggles with the many bad choices that his split parents made.

I had a rough childhood but I won’t say I had some horrifying abuse story. Just the sad truth that some men were abused by their fathers and it carries on for generations.

My father’s father probably beat him good. I don’t know though…even as a grown man my father won’t talk about anything to do with love or emotions. I can remember vividly the day he harped on me to walk on to the D1 football team. Through his selfish vision he wanted me to live a life that was not mine. I was bullied and I was turned into a shadow of who I was. All that pressure and abuse. I remember that I had to act psychotic and threaten to bring a gun and shoot a man and those in the locker room if they didn’t stop.

Fast forward to when I start smoking marijuana. Criminals and drug dealers befriended me. Made me feel like I was the big guy there and that I was a part of their team….my father drove me to waste his money and my own and my time because he insisted I play football. Make no mistake he was not just a caring father making a suggestion, he guilt tripped me constantly that I would regret it if I didn’t try…I wanted so bad to make him proud, and I bottled up the abuse by the other older players. My father wouldn’t love or hold me in my time of need…alone and disconnected. One day I quit the team…I can’t tell you his disappointed reaction..I gravitated to the friendly dealers that offered me an escape. My girlfriend of 3 years left me as I slowly flunked out of college.

I came home to my father’s place where to this day, at 62, you can be sure him and his wife still consume a pack a day and have a beer in their hand every other day. Be aware my stepmother was jealous and would do things like burn my favorite blanket and then threaten to cut it up when I was a small boy. Let’s just fast forward again past them slurring and cussing about me living with them at 23.

Finally after a year goes by I snag a decent job!!! I move out and finally they give me peace. I didn’t have to be abused any more. One day I am visiting and I am so distraught me and him get in an argument…screaming, screaming so loud that me, at 6’4 300lbs I am most certainly crying and I’ve lost my voice. I tell him that his choices and actions caused so much of my trouble and dysfunction, and that his leadership was dim and had no love behind his harsh and selfish guidance. (Finally I can describe what my yelling meant..). I placed the blame on him finally after they sneer at me and tell me how much money I wasted…a toxic toxic home with very little joy or hope.

I did it though..he finally lashed out and showed me that he understood, and that he recognized my cry for help and sympathy: He reached out and started to choke me. I pushed him down into the chair after breaking free, and I rushed out of their home.

Finally, I am of course 26, and I live 3 hours away working for a decent company with a career in IT in a major operations center. We don’t yell or scream now. I am smarter and no longer a child. I do believe they realize they cause explosions out of me that surely shows what a fine job they did…they got it. Took them 26 years to realize they are almost dead and their one son resents them for their lack of love and family. Or not..they’ll die and I’ll be left in tears because they were all I had, even with all of the bad decisions and actions they took. I know they tried..they don’t know any better. I won’t even start on my major home life and my loving but depressed and upset mother…I mean..should I talk about when, at 16, I had to fight my stepfather to prevent him from beating my mother while drunk..twice? Three times? What about the times I don’t remember as a child?

I’ll leave this here on a final note: My story is not for sympathy, but my closure, and maybe motivation for those who read this. Love your child..love him or her until it runneth over. I would sooner cut off my pinky than ever choke my son, no matter what he says. I can’t wait though, I don’t have a child yet, but I know that I will do all that I can to love and teach him. Hug him when he lets me…follow this woman’s wise words and be an intelligent father, and not just a hand that feeds. You get one life, and one family. It’s so short lived and violent. Give him or her a warm and loving home to come back to, whether they are 23, or 33. You won’t be disappointed with the results.

Annette Wiensz10 years ago

I think parents should be a little more aware of how they act when their child doesn’t do what they say. I think the parents should take a few deep breaths and say ok then calmly tell to clean their room rather than coming in there with trash bags and start loading things up in the trash bags because it’s going to create problems and behaviors will start.

Shawn10 years ago

I hate to tell you that with a ADHD child your so called advice will not work. My child only wakes up to a spanking. Talking nicely to him is a sign of weakness, and he surely runs with it. Working with him, or even talking usually just allows him to take over the situation and ignore me. Being nice and talking only leads to more shit